Feeling uneasy

about my decision to go back to Oregon.

As usual, with any big change in my life, I am starting to lose sleep/get butterflies/have second thoughts. The more I think about my time spent here in California, the more hesitant I become about moving back to Oregon.

It's not that I want to work for Disney forever. The people I've met here and the things I've learned will stay with me. My Disney family will always hold a very special place in my heart. I loved (most parts of) my job, and I am happy to be leaving with a good taste in my mouth rather than turning into one of those cast members who is jaded and bitter about the company. And though it won't be the same, I can ultimately come back and work for the company on a part-time basis to supplement the income of a real job somewhere else.

It's not that I don't want to go home to Oregon. I do. I am excited to go home and see my family and friends back there. But I am NOT excited to leave my home here in California. Have I confused you yet? I want to go home, but I don't want to leave California. My head is spinning all the time.

The more I think about it, I've realized I've moved SO many times in the last two years:
May 2008 - Moved back to my parents' from my place at University of Portland
August 2008 - Moved into my first classroom in Hillsboro
October 2008 - Moved out of the house I grew up in to a new house my parents built
June 2009 - Moved out of my first classroom in Hillsboro
August 2009 - Moved to Anaheim for the Disney College Program
January 2010 - Moved to our first real apartment in Anaheim when College Program was over
June 2010 - Moving back to Oregon to look for a teaching job/finish grad school/save money
[Hopefully near future] - Moving back to California permanently (after earning enough money in Oregon to have a little to fall back on if I need it)

While I was reflecting on these transient two years, I realized that all I really want is to be able to settle down somewhere for an extended period of time. I want to be able to nail pictures to the wall, grocery shop at Costco without having to worry about eating all the food before I move again, and feel 'at home' somewhere. I just want some type of constant in my life - whether that is a place to call home, a job I can have more than one year, or some other aspect that will always be there. I feel like I am constantly leaving places and people.